I am 18 going on Krillin
by Kamiolo
Summary: How Android 18 fell in love with Krillin and joins the Z-fighters
1. Chapter 1

_A strong, independent android woman who don't need no bald warrior monk_

Chapter 1

In the desert west of WestCity a solitary Hummer blew through the sands and kicked up billows of dust. It had been cruising the land for hours now under the sweltering heat, and its exhaust fumes mixed with the sand clouds to look like one deadly heat wave.

At length the Hummer slowed to stop and the dust settled. Android 18 threw the door open and stepped tiger-like onto the hot sand. She wore jeans and a heavy black bomber jacket which she hadn't paid for, and which would have melted a normal person in that heat; she didn't feel a thing.

Her only thought was: dammit—the car's out of gas. She had been driving non-stop and aimlessly for the past three days. This was the fourth car she had hijacked. 18 knelt and dug her fingers into the sand. She picked up a rock and examined the blood-red crystals in its surface.

What the hell am I doing there? Why am I driving over the country looking for barren places to be alone? At least I could crash out a fancy hotel. I don't have any money, but no one but Son Goku's friends could stop me.

But 18 knew it wouldn't make any difference. 16 and 17 were destroyed; she was the last android. Dr. Gero had created her to kill Son Goku, but she couldn't do that anymore, even if she'd had the desire to do so. She couldn't lower herself to join human society. But she didn't belong with the Z-fighters either. They didn't trust her. They only tolerated her because Krillin had a crush on her.

She stared into the hollow sky: cloudless. Her fingers tightened around the rock in her hand. It shattered and she rose quickly. She sensed who was coming toward her. Her eyes narrowed and she pressed her lips into a sharp line. This was her disguise. This was the mechanical look she always wore among her enemies. No organic being could understand how a cyborg changed, sometimes with her mechanical side in control, sometimes with her human side dominant. Right now she was a robot. Vegeta landed 10 metres in front of her. Yellow spiky hair, green eyes. A super saiyan. The wind whistled.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

"Aren't you going to run, you scrap-metal doll?"

"Why are you here?"

"You know why".

18 did know why. When Dr. Gero had first activated her Vegeta had challenged her to fight. That had been a time when she could have beaten super saiyan Vegeta easily. She had broken both her arms, defeated him and his son without trouble. Now the tables were turned. She knew that if they fought now Vegeta would destroy her.

An android's pride wouldn't get in the way of common sense. She knew she was outmatched, and she would have run if she could. But Vegeta wouldn't let her go that easily. He was still furious at having his arms broken by a robot woman at the height of his pride. Now he had no one else to take his anger out on. Goku and the other androids were dead, and Gohan was now by the far the strongest under the heavens. Vegeta's emotions were easy to read, even by an android. She could only bluff.

"Come at me".

Vegeta flew, literally, at her. She sidestepped the initial punch and swung her fist around, but Vegeta wasn't there anymore. He was behind her, and he kicked her into the air, sending her flying up. And then he was on top of her, and then she went flying down back toward the sand. When she landed a cloud of sand blew out of her impact crater. And then Vegeta hit her with a ki blast. She got up as the dust settled. Her bomber jacket was torn across the body. She shrugged it off her shoulders. She never felt pain or fear but sooner or later Vegeta would simply blow her to pieces.

"Not so tough now, are you? You thought you could humiliate a saiyan prince…" Vegeta accentuated every word with a blow, but 18 tuned out the petty speech. If she could just get one solid hit on him she'd run and escape into WestCity. She didn't have any ki for Vegeta to sense. But Vegeta was always on his guard. With an effortless motion he swung his leg up and broke her left arm, knocking her into the sand.

"Now you die".

Vegeta flew into the air and a ball of ki appeared in his outstretched palm. What terrifying attack was this? Big Bang Attack? Final Flash? No, Final Flash hadn't been unveiled yet. She braced herself.

"SUPER VEGETA, BIG BA—"

And then Krillin flew out of nowhere and kicked Vegeta in the face, knocking him out of the air, and grabbed 18 and flew like a bullet toward the east.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

Krillin landed gallantly in a little oasis in the desert and set Android 18 down gently. He turned to her with eyes full of hope, and tears, and so much love it was disgusting. 18 set to work quickly. She slapped him across the face, jabbed her elbow down his back and, grabbing his cheeks and turning him toward her, punched him squarely on the six incense dots on his forehead. He dropped cold.

"Idiot", she mouthed. She picked him up and threw him into the nearby brook. Krillin floated slowly downstream. She got ready to take off into the sky, but something made her stop and turn back to the floating body.

"Oh. Right".

18 knelt by the bank and turned Krillin face up. She'd forgot they had to breathe.

"Curse him".

Who asked him to come and interfere? Stupid human. He was in love with her, she knew. He truly is a loser to fall in love with a robot. All she could think of was, "Plankton".

Dammit no. She should've killed them both, or at least let Krillin drown. What had happened to the days when she and 17 had been the most powerful in the universe? But Krillin…

At least he had helped her. Twice. Bald headed idiot. Dome head idiot. He was sweet. But an idiot.

She brushed her fabulous blonde hair to the side. She felt hot, as if her internal air conditioning system wasn't functioning properly.

Dammit. If only he had hair. But he had been wearing a nice _gi_. With a low cut neck.

If only he had hair. Was he naturally bald? Maybe he could grow some hair after they spent a few years together…

Wait. Dammit.

He was so short. And the way he looked at you… The way he had looked at her. Before she incapacitated him. Vegeta would be coming to find her. Oh well.

If only he had hair…

Dammit Krillin.

Was she really human enough…she wondered how much of her was robot and how much was heart and flesh.

The sun was setting. She had been walking upstream all afternoon, and she was getting near WestCity. Someone must have found Krillin by now. Maybe she should go find him? No. But maybe she would visit.

The sun was in her eyes and the world was beautiful.

Dammit she'd fallen in love with him.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Android 18 showed up uninvited to Kame House the next morning in a sea-blue blouse and torn jeans with a string of pearls around her neck. Krillin was not there. After being ogled at for several minutes by the lecherous Master Roshi, she decided to wait by the beach. Maybe Krillin didn't love her anymore… Maybe she'd been harsh with him yesterday.

The wind whistled again. 18 looked up from the sapphire sea. And there was Vegeta, with vengeance in his green eyes and static crackling from his hair and a brilliant golden aura pulsing around him. He wouldn't let her go this time. Roshi would be no help. Vegeta began to charge his Final Flash attack. 18 waited, knowing nothing she could do now would help. She waited for several minutes, counting waves while Vegeta charged. 3 episodes later Vegeta was ready. But just as he was about to unleash his ultimate finisher move, a helicopter flew through the sky and hit Vegeta full on from the back, knocking him into the frothing sea below. Out stepped a little silhouette waving at her. It was Krillin, and to 18's surprise he was wearing a 5 piece Bespoke suit and gold-rimmed monocle. He waved at her with his free hand, and the other hand was holding the new iPad.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

"So Krillin, how did you get 18 to fall in love with you?" asked Yamcha, sipping his Earl Grey tea. They were seated at veranda outside the little Kame house on that island out in the middle of the sea. Yamcha was in one of those phases of his life where had long hair down the back, mullet-like. When you have as many lives as he does, you might as well try out some different hair styles.

"To be honest Yamcha, I don't think she ever really fell in love with me. You see, the day she came to Kame house I had just won the lottery. She probably just wanted me for the money. It's sad but true. I love her, but she's a cruel woman. Her lips are devil red, and her skin's like tapioca."

"Her skin's like that _everywhere?_"

"Well in most places."

Silence.

"You had a baby, right Krillin?"

"Yup."

"And how was that?"

"Well it was an interesting experience. We made the baby out of scrap metal."

"But seriously, Krillin."

"I'm serious, Yamcha."

Silence.

"Pass the Hetap, Krillin."

A few years later another miraculous thing happened. Vegeta married Bulma, in a little private ceremony at Capsule Corp. Of course, they had already had a child 3 years ago, but now the whole thing was official. And while Goku was dead, Chi-Chi had a beautiful baby boy name Son Goten.

*** The End ***


End file.
